The Countdown

Okay I made the decision, bought my ticket, gave my two weeks notice, and informed all the important people in my life regarding my decision. I did all of that yesterday…so why am I on the verge of a panic attack today? They say change is good, but I’m bout to have an anxiety attack. Most of my friends and readers of my blog already know that I decided that I was going to move to LA this year. So yesterday I bought my one-way plane ticket and made it official. I leave in 2 weeks. Even typing “2 weeks” is making my hands clammy.

When I first decided that I would move, I thought it was going to be a fairly easy process. Pack clothes, find job, already have a place to stay so that was done, so just get up and go. But I began to realize that it wasn’t quite that simple. I’d been delaying and pushing back my moving date for some months now. So I decided to just push myself and buy the ticket so it will force my to just do it! And on came the panic!!!

So what am I afraid of? I’m asking myself that question as I type. I guess I’m afraid of change. My life, although not exactly what I want, is comfortable. Maybe comfortable is the wrong word…it implies that I’m content. I’m far from content. It’s just what I’m used to and that has made me complacent. I’m used to my mother paying my car insurance, and getting paid every Friday, and having a certain amount of money to spend as I please, and a job that is fairly comfortable and easy. Oooo I just had an epiphany!!!! My life lacks challenge. It’s been so easy for so long that I’m afraid that I’m not prepared for when it gets hard. I crave the challenge, because life without it is completely unfulfilling, but failing scares me. What if it takes me a while to find a job? What if my car goes out? What if my roommate and I don’t get along? These “what ifs” are driving my anxiety. I know I need to go out on faith and know that my father will never leave me nor forsake me, but that is proving a little easier said than done.

I kind of feel better now that it’s out! *Deep breath* Well this is just the first 24 hours…and I think the panic is just about run its course. Now I have to do the groundwork…like figuring out how to get my Imelda Marcos collection of shoes packed.

So follow me on my journey from Mid West Diva to West Coast Darling. The countdown begins now. I leave for LA Feb. 5th. Good or bad…I’ll keep you posted!

Resolutions

January 1, 2009 marked a milestone in my life. It was the first year in my 33 years of existence that I was able to make a resolution and stick to it. I guess it was no coincidence that it was also the first year that I decided not to make the same old resolutions, like lose weight, quit cussing, spend more time with my family, and so on and so forth. You know...the same old crap that you end up breaking before the month is out. Back to eating Whoppers, and cussing out your family by the 15Th of January! So last year I decided that I would do something different, and make a resolution that was fun, something I could enjoy instead of some self-sacrifice on my part. I figured my life was full of self-sacrifice already, so why pressure myself into more, especially when I knew I'd never keep any of them. Damn it...I like food, and cussing and having time away from my family. Which brings me to my resolution for 09. I decided that I was going to take a trip somewhere every month of that year. I started in Los Angeles in January, and that year I visited Memphis, Little Rock, Tunica, Atlanta, New York, New Jersey, Las Vegas and I returned to LA two more times. I had a freaking blast!!! Who said resolutions had to be hard? Or you have to give up something? All a resolution is is a decision to do something differently that you had not been doing before. Why can't that be something fun or enjoyable? Maybe you'd be more committed to doing it if it was. Hey...life is full of the crap we have to do, the hard decisions we have to make, and personal sacrifices. Make your resolution be your gift to yourself for the New Year. Resolve to be good to you this year!!!!