The Countdown

Okay I made the decision, bought my ticket, gave my two weeks notice, and informed all the important people in my life regarding my decision. I did all of that yesterday…so why am I on the verge of a panic attack today? They say change is good, but I’m bout to have an anxiety attack. Most of my friends and readers of my blog already know that I decided that I was going to move to LA this year. So yesterday I bought my one-way plane ticket and made it official. I leave in 2 weeks. Even typing “2 weeks” is making my hands clammy.

When I first decided that I would move, I thought it was going to be a fairly easy process. Pack clothes, find job, already have a place to stay so that was done, so just get up and go. But I began to realize that it wasn’t quite that simple. I’d been delaying and pushing back my moving date for some months now. So I decided to just push myself and buy the ticket so it will force my to just do it! And on came the panic!!!

So what am I afraid of? I’m asking myself that question as I type. I guess I’m afraid of change. My life, although not exactly what I want, is comfortable. Maybe comfortable is the wrong word…it implies that I’m content. I’m far from content. It’s just what I’m used to and that has made me complacent. I’m used to my mother paying my car insurance, and getting paid every Friday, and having a certain amount of money to spend as I please, and a job that is fairly comfortable and easy. Oooo I just had an epiphany!!!! My life lacks challenge. It’s been so easy for so long that I’m afraid that I’m not prepared for when it gets hard. I crave the challenge, because life without it is completely unfulfilling, but failing scares me. What if it takes me a while to find a job? What if my car goes out? What if my roommate and I don’t get along? These “what ifs” are driving my anxiety. I know I need to go out on faith and know that my father will never leave me nor forsake me, but that is proving a little easier said than done.

I kind of feel better now that it’s out! *Deep breath* Well this is just the first 24 hours…and I think the panic is just about run its course. Now I have to do the groundwork…like figuring out how to get my Imelda Marcos collection of shoes packed.

So follow me on my journey from Mid West Diva to West Coast Darling. The countdown begins now. I leave for LA Feb. 5th. Good or bad…I’ll keep you posted!